giovedì, dicembre 24, 2009

Tanta gente non lo sa

Ho venticinque anni.
Ho appena festeggiato il Natale insieme ai miei parenti.
Un paio di parenti mancavano all'appello, perché a un altro loro parente, loro e non mio, è successa una cosa brutta, e allora sono dovuti partire per abbracciare chi gli voleva bene e adesso sta male e non so quanti anni ha.
Sono arrivata per prima a casa di mia nonna, e tutte le luci erano spente.
Quando ero piccola e di anni ne avevo quattro, poi otto, e poi dieci e fino a venti, più o meno, le luci a casa di mia nonna erano accese, i termosifoni bollenti, gli zii le zie i cugini già tutti lì ad aspettare me, che con la mia famiglia arrivavo sempre in ritardo, trasportando traballante vassoi pieni di tortine storte e un sorriso a dieci denti, poi a venti, poi a trenta e qualche finestrella e alla fine trentadue.
Oggi mia nonna non aveva il rossetto, teneva una mantella verde sulle spalle e il parrucchiere le aveva fatto una testa da bambino appena alzato, capelli corti corti tagliati con le forbici arrotondate, come quando io da più piccola prendevo la rabbia e le forbicine da unghie e mi trinciavo le ciocche quasi senza guardare, e me ne andavo in giro non avendo per la testa che me, la mia rabbia e i miei capelli mutilati.
Ho acceso la luce della sala da pranzo, sul tavolo non c'erano ancora i bicchieri.
Due vassoi con le tartine di gamberi e maionese.
Un pandoro chiuso nella sua confezione di plastica blu
Una torta al cioccolato in una vaschetta di alluminio rettangolare.
C'erano dei biglietti di auguri degli anni 50, con i bambini biondi dalle gote accese che giocano nella neve e dicono "Felice Natale".
Ho venticinque anni e la mattina della Vigilia la passo a cucinare per la cena a buffet con i miei parenti.
Ho aggiunto sulla tavola i miei tortini sbilenchi ripieni di formaggio,
il polpettone,
e quando zii e zie e cugini sono arrivati,
la tovaglia bianca si è riempita di pollo alle mandorle, dolci al cocco, sformati e cioccolata e bibite e zii e zie e cugini.
Ho scartato i miei regali.
Alcuni parenti non c'erano; non c'era mio nonno, è il secondo Natale senza di lui, senza voce di patate e catarro, senza maglione bianco con le trecce, senza bastone.

I miei regali erano in uno scatolone avvolto dalla carta gialla.
Ogni regalo era impacchettato in una carta color oro.
I regali erano:
una spazzola-specchio di Pylones
un'agenda che si chiama "Il mio gatto, un consiglio al giorno", piena di foto di gatti
tre libri
una maglia lunga grigia e nera
un bagnoschiuma al muschio bianco
un calendario di Mafalda
cinquanta euro.
Sulla busta con i soldi, mia nonna ha appiccicato un adesivo a forma di stella di Natale, pieno di porporina dorata che mi si è attaccata alle dita.
Sullo scatolone, incastrato sotto al fiocco giallo, c'era un foglio con scritto Marta, e una poesia di Gianni Rodari.
La poesia diceva:
"Una signora di Scandicci
buttava le castagne e mangiava i ricci.
Un suo amico di Lastra a Signa
buttava i pinoli e mangiava la pigna.
Un suo cugino di Prato
mangiava la carta stagnola
e buttava il cioccolato.
Tanta gente non lo sa
e dunque non se ne cruccia:
la vita la butta via
e mangia soltanto la buccia."

Ho venticinque anni e ho mangiato il polpettone, il pandoro, la torta di cioccolato, ho bevuto il succo di pera, la coca cola,
e un liquore all'arancio fatto dal ragazzo di mia sorella che era caldo bollente, squisito e pesante.
Ho rimesso la carta dei regali e i regali nello scatolone,
poi un mio cugino piccolo, di sette anni e trentadue denti, si è seduto al pianoforte mezzacoda Petrof di mia nonna e ha suonato delle sue composizioni.
Quella testolina liscia andava avanti e indietro sulle note pigiando piano, pigiando forte, con i piedini a righe ripiegati su se stessi, facendo commuovere tutti perché gli artisti, quelli veri, quando decidono che ti vogliono far piangere non riservano nessuna pietà.

Mio nonno mi manca.
Mi mancano i parenti che oggi non c'erano.
In casa non c'è l'acqua calda, prima era freddissimo e ora un inquietante scirocco sta portando disgelo e odori di brodo.
Litigo con mio papà.
Ognuno è solo.
E io ho venticinque anni, una famiglia, una mamma e un papà e gli zii e zie e i cugini, la pancia piena, una storia e un futuro, dei nuovi regali, una canzone che non so se sia dedicata a me, non so se sia io, quella che sa, che non butta via i pinoli e la castagna, ma so che sono io
ad aver addobbato l'albero e la casa
ad aver chiuso i tortellini stamattina con mia mamma,
ad aver preparato dei plumcake da regalare, incartandoli nel cuki antigelo e trasportandoli sbilenchi, e so che sono io,
che mi manca il nonno, che sono un tassello della mia incredibile famiglia, che faccio ogni giorno qualcosa di nuovo o sempre uguale, che vedo che la vita è dura, è dura e brutta e difficile in mille diversi modi del cazzo, e so che sono io fortunata ad avere loro, ad avere mio cugino che suona a sette anni come uno di trentadue, ad avere una casa da addobbare e un amore da baciare, e maglioni e golfini e un'agenda e me stessa, e i pinoli.
Che non c'è niente di meglio.
Io questo lo so.

58 commenti:

SCONFUSIONATA ha detto...

se lo sai stai a cavallo!!!
no, non sei una che butta le castagne e mangia i ricci, tranquilla!
buon natale!!!

Yuki aka Prisma ha detto...

perché gli artisti, quelli veri, quando decidono che ti vogliono far piangere non riservano nessuna pietà.

Quant'è vero quello che scrivi...

Un Buon Natale, Choppa...
(sono in arretrato coi libri, ne ho accumulato un mucchio enorme, ma il tuo è lì che non vede l'ora di essere gustato... :D).

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Buon Natale, Choppa.

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